“Kill a Watt?” by Sheila S. Hudson

Sheila is one funny lady. I dare you to read this and not laugh!

Laugh Until You Pee

This story appears in the anthology “Not Your Mother’s Book…On Home Improvement.” 

The summer of my discontent began early, in May. But the season of ironing with a flashlight in my pocket is forever ongoing.

Sheila on a mission

It was not always this way. When we remodeled our entryway, the piece de résistance was a sparkling new chandelier gracing the stairwell. Dainty spirals of light pirouetted across the white banister and highlighted our new Berber carpet. That giddy sense of pride in a DIY job-well-done quickly changed to chagrin when I realized I would have to dust each and every one of those shards of glass in that dang chandelier.

But that was only part of the problem. It wasn’t until I foolishly tried to iron while watching television that I realized I was teetering on the tip of the proverbial kilowatt iceberg. When the steam iron erupted, my…

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“How to Buy a Plastic Penis” by Pamela Frost

Oppppsss I did it again!

Laugh Until You Pee

This story appears in the adult bedtime book “Not Your Mother’s Book…On SEX.” 

There are times in a woman’s life when a plastic penis is far more satisfying than the flesh-and-blood role model. Post-divorce is one of those times. After a while, I found my hands were not getting me to where I needed to be. And I soon grew bored with vegetables. The mere act of standing in the grocery store staring at a vegetable—trying to figure out if it’s the right size and the right texture—felt weird. I wondered if there really were people in the world who could read minds. I just didn’t like taking those kinds of chances in public.

So I asked my friend one night while she had a mouth full of wine, “How would one go about buying a plastic penis?” Note to self . . . apparently chardonnay burns when it comes…

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“The Powderless Powder Room” by David Martin

It was such a pleasure putting this book together with Dahlynn and the crew. So many funny authors.

Laugh Until You Pee

This story appears in the anthology “Not Your Mother’s Book…On Home Improvement.” 

We recently renovated the bathroom in our nearly 50-year-old home. At the same time, we had a new half-bath built in the basement. My wife and daughter are thrilled with the renovated bathroom. I, too, have to admit that it’s a pretty spiffy biffy. And I have reserved my greatest delight for the new half-bathroom. For this new room, small as it is, belongs to me.

It’s been said that a man’s home is his castle. I don’t know who said that, or when, but I suspect it was many years ago when people actually lived in castles. Today, it’s more accurate to say that a woman’s home is her castle. Most men have yielded to women when it comes to home management. Let’s face it—it’s the rare fellow who involves himself in choosing floor patterns, carpet colors…

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“Ménage à Twerp” by Marsha Wight Wise

Working on this book was so much fun. Read this and you’ll totally understand…Again, this story appears in “Not Your Mother’s Book…On SEX.” Coined by the Northern Star in their review as the “compilation of copulation” (http://bit.ly/1b3iTfe), this book is filled with 69—yes, 69—carnal stories about everything SEX!

Laugh Until You Pee

This story appears in the adult bedtime book “Not Your Mother’s Book…On SEX.” 

Back in my B.J. days (before John, my husband . . . what did you think I meant?), I had a thing for Jewish boys. I don’t know why I was drawn to them like Kim Kardashian to a plastic-surgeon convention, but I was. Given a man with a prominent nose and a last name ending in –man, –stein or –berg, I immediately pictured myself under the huppah . . . the Jewish wedding canopy.

So the day I went to my local pharmacy and discovered they had hired a good-looking, albeit short, new pharmacist named Mitch Goldman, I was in my element. I was already calculating how many questions I could get away with asking him at the counter before the store would start charging me for advice.

The good news is I wasn’t arrested for…

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“Peeping Toms” by Stephen Hayes

Here’s one of my favorites from my new book. Stephen Hayes is a wonderful writer…check out his blog at http://www.chubbychatterbox.com.

Laugh Until You Pee

This story appears in the newly-released anthology “Not Your Mother’s Book…On SEX.” 

Writing coaches caution anyone from starting a story with, “It was a dark and stormy night.” But I’ve always wanted to begin a tale with these words—and now you know what I think of writing coaches.

Anyway, my wife and I had only been married a few years and were living in a duplex in Oxnard, California, so close to the beach that our driveway was covered in sand. One stormy evening, my wife phoned to say she was leaving work late and was in no mood to fix dinner. “I’ll pick up something on the way home,” she said.

I felt guilty that she was the one caught in the storm. “It’s raining pretty hard. Be careful,” I said, just as the electricity went out.

While waiting in the darkness for her to arrive home, I lifted…

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“Fifty Shades of Play” by Christine Cacciatore

In case the introduction wasn’t enough to peak your interest check this out! Fifty Shades of Grey is a totally unbelievable scenario, Fifty Shades of Play is the reality of spanking for pleasure.

Laugh Until You Pee

This story appears in the newly-released anthology “Not Your Mother’s Book…On SEX.” 

Bondage. Spanking. Whips. Doms. Subs. Naughty, yet fascinating, words that generally have no place in my coffee-drinking, husband hand-holding, go-to-bed-early lifestyle.

Certain authors have glamorized the whole kinky sex thing and made millions in the process. With the advent of e-readers, there are no more incriminating book covers to hide. As such, no one knows what you’re reading, making erotica available for the masses to enjoy.

It’s everywhere. And I’m curious, because it appears spanking is not just a punishment anymore, but is also something people enjoy as a prelude to, or in place of, sex.

I approached my husband about it. I told him I was looking to write some erotica that contained spanking scenes. Would he be a willing participant in this experiment so I would know whereof I speak when I put pen to paper?

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NOT YOUR MOTHER’S BOOK ON SEX

Those who are easily shocked should be shocked more often.

~~ Mae West

SEX! SEX! SEX and MORE SEX!

That’s what I’m talking about.

It’s said that food, clothing and shelter are the necessities of life. Really? Without sex, we wouldn’t even be here. It’s a biological fact. The sex drive is strong for a reason—the species must continue at all costs.

When it comes to life’s necessities, for me, sex is number one, followed closely by a sense of humor. In my humble opinion, life without sex and laughter would not be worth living. And chocolate. Where’s my chocolate? But I digress.

So I ask you, what would be better than a book that takes a peek under the covers and behind closed doors to shine a light on the comical antics of those lovable humans and their sexual encounters? Nothing would be better. I mean, you can’t be having sex all the time. So fill that time between orgasms with laughter and a good book—NOT YOUR MOTHER’S BOOK ON SEX.

Yes! Sex and laughter conveniently packaged together for your stimulating pleasure. In this book, you will not find graphic blow-by-blow descriptions of sex acts. Well, maybe that one story . . . but no, not really. You will giggle at the mishaps of sex, like punctured waterbeds, the truth behind the combination of sex and whipped crème, and, of course, the ever popular combination of cars and sex.

If you pee your pants laughing when reading Vaginaplasty, you might need one. If you’re prone to this problem, you’ll want to take precautions before reading Vajazzle. You’ve been warned. And you will find stories of young lust that will warm the cockles of your heart. Caution: If your cockles become too warm, rub with dry ice.

You will also find a new look at old fairy tales, such as Cinderella explaining how she really found her Prince Charming, codpiece and all. And who could forget shopping? That’s another necessity of life, especially when shopping for vibrating plastic male parts or the perfectly sexy outfit to wear—or peel off.

This book spans the ages from “the talk” to cougars. We even offer advice, with tongue firmly planted in check (or somewhere else) in the chapter, Kick Him to the Curb. Then, in the interest of equality, men have their say in their very own chapter.

So buy this book. I invite you to live vicariously through these stories, get aroused and dream about your own fantasies. And if this book doesn’t make you laugh, you might want to see a proctologist about that stick up your ass.

~~ Pamela Frost

The 1960s are gone, dope will never be as cheap, sex never as free, and the rock and roll never as great.

 ~~ Abbie Hoffman

Thank you for buying this book.

Yes, you can buy SEX today on Amazon: http://amzn.to/1KH64BS

“Where Real Men Hang Out” by Ernie Witham

Ernie is one of my favorite humor writers…Love this one and his new one about dolphin sex in the upcoming Not Your Mother’s Book on SEX due out in February.

Laugh Until You Pee

This story appears in the anthology “Not Your Mother’s Book…On Home Improvement.” 

New Year’s resolutions never seem to work out for me. For example, a few years ago, I resolved to make the workplace better for everyone by offering my boss a few timely suggestions on how to run the organization more efficiently. I’ve been gainfully unemployed ever since.

Then last year, I resolved to lose 10 pounds. Instead, I ended up gaining 15.

And this year, I promised my wife I would devote more time to home improvement. It was either that or agree to attend more cultural events. How was I to know she’d want to start improving things immediately?

My daydreaming was interrupted by a professorial-looking guy wearing a corduroy blazer. He was seated right beside me. “If it was up to me, I’d go with the bold look of Kohler in rainforest green,” he said.

We…

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“The Family Photo” by Shari Courter

Shari is one of the funniest people I know. Make sure you go to the bathroom before you read this one…you’ve been warned…

Laugh Until You Pee

This story appears in the anthology “Not Your Mother’s Book…On Being a Parent.” 

I should preface this story with the fact that my husband has always hated family photo day. It’s not that I loved it, but it was important to me. We used to have photos professionally taken, made into Christmas cards and sent out the day after Thanksgiving. Notice the past tense? Let me tell you what happened in 2002.

Zac was eight, Aubrey, six and Kearstin, three. We also had two adorable black Labs. What could be more precious than including our dogs in one of our Christmas photos? I scheduled a pet-friendly session at a studio just 15 minutes from our house. What could go wrong?

Well, where do I begin? Right off the bat, two major mistakes were made by both my husband and me that played a huge part in the scenario that followed:

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“Read the Label” by Belinda Cohen

OMG…vasectomy anyone? Things that make your balls cringe in terror.

Laugh Until You Pee

This story appears in the anthology “Not Your Mother’s Book…On Working for a Living.” 

Fresh out of nursing school, I worked as a substitute for various doctors in the region. One day, I’d be changing catheters in the geriatric ward of the hospital. The next day, I’d be in the gynecologist’s office warming tubes of K-Y Jelly. Never a dull moment.

After a year of making the rounds, I thought I’d seen it all. I was, after all, a professional. So when I got a call from a local urologist’s office, I was happy to oblige.

The third patient of the day was 38-year-old Tom. He was a good-looking man with a military buzz cut and broad shoulders. His wife had recently delivered their third child, and Tom explained, “If my wife gets pregnant again, I’m gonna shoot myself.”

Clearly, it was time for a vasectomy.

I began with the…

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